Martian Sex

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles. 

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.

The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do..'

A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.  Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie weenie about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick..

'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.

'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?'

'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!'

'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.

'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.'

'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

'Wow!' she exclaimed, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Mike asks, 'Well, was it any good?'

'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'

'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.'  

Who's The Daddy

The  following are all replies that Detroit women  have written on Child Support Agency Forms in  the section for listing 'Father's Details,' or  putting it another way....  Who's your  Daddy?  These are genuine excerpts from the  forms.  Be sure to check out #11, it takes  1st prize and #3 is runner up.   
   
 
1.   Regarding the identity of the father of my  twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon  McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the  father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was  conceived on the same night.    
   

2...   I am unsure, as to the identity of the  father of my child as I was being sick out of a  window when taken unexpectedly from behind.   I can provide you with a list of names of  men that I think were at the party if this  helps.   
   

3.   I do not know the name of the father of my  little girl.  She was conceived at a party  at 3600 East Grand Boulevard where I had sex  with a man I met that night.  I do remember  that the sex was so good that I fainted.   If you do manage to track down the father,  can you please send me his phone number?   Thanks...    
  

4.   I don't know the identity of the father of  my daughter.  He drives a BMW that now has  a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door  panels.  Perhaps you can contact BMW  service stations in this area and see if he's  had it replaced.  
 

5.   I have never had sex with a man.  I  am still a Virginian.  I am awaiting a  letter from the Pope confirming that my son's  conception was ejaculate and that he is the  Saver risen again.    
  

6.   I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's  dad as he informs me that to do so would blow  his cover and that would have cataclysmic  implications for the economy.  I am torn  between doing right by you and right by the  country..  Please advise.    
   

7.   I do not know who the father of my child  was as they all look the same to me.    
   

8.   Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A.   If you do catch up with him, can you axe  him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?  Child B  who was also borned at the same time.....   well, I don't have clue..    
   

9.   From the dates it seems that my daughter  was conceived at Disney World.  Maybe it  really is theMagic Kingdom .    
   

10.   So much about that night is a blur.   The only thing that I remember for sure is  Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in  the evening.  If I had stayed in and  watched more TV rather than going to the party  at8956 Miller Ave , mine might have remained  unfertilized.    
  

11.   I am unsure as to the identity of the  father of my baby, after all, like when you eat  a can of beans you can't be sure which one made  you fart.